peace – march

April 23, 2012

the flock year

As I was wondering where February went, March started with the news that someone I know had to have a double mastectomy. An aggressive tumour was found and grew centimetres within days. This woman has a 9 year-old son. I hate it when mothers of young children get sick like this. It plunges me into dark depths and immeasurable sorrow. It also brings home with a thud the need for awareness and gratitude.

…We have lost touch with what it means to live in the mystery of existence. Most of us get caught up in the ebb and flow of daily life, following paths laid out for us by social structures we have come to accept as the norm. We forget that life is not lived in a straight line. We forget that death is always sitting on our left shoulder.

Sylvia Shaindel Senensky

And then I read this post by Leonie Dawson about letting go of the old to make space for miracles I have discovered in this life, that the universe will only release you when you have made peace with your current situation.

At some point, sometimes in our twenties, sometimes our thirties, most often the forties… we begin at last to let the soul lead. The power shifts away from brickabrack and frick-frack to soulfulness. And though the soul does not assume the lead by killing off the ego, the ego is demoted, one might say, and given a different assignment in the psyche, which is essentially to submit to the concerns of the soul. – Clarissa Pinkola Estés

And then I had a lovely visit with a dear friend, twenty years my junior, who is in the Summer of her life, full of striving and planning and doing. And lots of energy. I remember what that was like, going ’round in circles. I am in the Autumn of my life. Things are slowing down, as they should. I’m tired of striving, and I need to do less doing and more being. And I think that I’m getting there, in my 47th year.

And then I read another post by Leonie Dawson about her depression and anxiety and amongst the 8,000 words in the heartfelt text was this gem…

My love, the Simple Sage,
took me to the cafe
to stage a Perfect Mother intervention.
He took out a notebook
and a pen.
“Write down for me what you need to do everyday. What you want to do everyday.”
And so I began.
Take care of Starry.
Write three pages.
Cook three wholesome meals a day.
Made out of organic food that I gardened.
Do gardening. Have a very large organic vege patch and fruit tree patch.
Read to Starry. Give her as much eye contact as possible.
Do 30 minutes of yoga.
Spend time with the dogs.
Watch no TV.
Make art.
Spend time talking to Chris.
Work and reply to emails and do my business.
Go to sleep early.”
We exchanged lists.
His read:
“Be a good dad and partner.
Be happy.”
He said to me…
“No wonder you feel so overwhelmed. It’s too much Leonie. Just go easy on yourself.”
“How is that even possible?”
I asked.
“Leonie, I’ve loved you for ten years. And what I know about you? All you really need to do is love me, love your daughter and make art.”
“That’s what makes you happy.”
“In all the time I’ve known you,
you haven’t gardened everyday, you haven’t meditated,
you haven’t done all that stuff everyday.
And you like watching TV, for pete’s sake!
You’re so hard on yourself.
You feel so guilty.
What would life look like if you were easy on yourself?”
I was speechless.
What, indeed, would my life look like
if I gave up the guilt
and just gave myself
the easy way?
It became my mantra
“What would the easy way be?”

Finding peace and joy is finding the easy way. I’ve known this for quite a while, but allowing oneself to do it is another matter. In January I told myself that I absolutely had to go easy this year. In February I told my boss that I was going easy on myself this year and she agreed totally.

This year I am going to let the work direct me rather than me directing the work. 



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